Maintaining a relationship with a loved one is not a passive matter. It requires constant effort — sometimes a great deal of effort. Yet, despite all you do to keep the relationship vibrant and satisfying, you may get an unsettling feeling that tugs at you — refuses to go away. Has your loved one become unfaithful?

There may have been signs — a sudden interest in working out, a new cologne, staying late at the office, buying a sportier car, etc. You may have discussed your concerns with close friends but found their suggestions lacking. Someone suggested hiring a private investigator, an idea you also considered.

You lay awake at night, evaluating your reasons for doubting the faithfulness of your loved one. At one moment you dismiss them, the next moment they return. Is there another explanation for the recent behavior? Are you crazy for thinking as you do?

Somehow, you found the courage to confront your loved one with your concerns. As expected, they were met with denial. Possibly anger or resentment accompanied the denial. You were berated for such thoughts but you felt better, relieved to hear your fears were unfounded. Were they? You heard what you wanted to hear, right? But the feeling didn’t go away.  A day, a week, a month passes.  Restless nights return.

How many times have you heard the phrase, “The spouse is the last to know”? You wonder if your friends know the truth and how many. You wonder if you are the fool in the relationship. You’ve given so much to it, is it still worth the effort? You must know the truth!

But before you call a private investigator, answer one question: What will you do with the information you learn?  If your investigator finds your loved one’s behavior is merely evolutionary and not the result of an affair your answer will be easy.

On the other hand, if you learn another man or woman is involved, you’ll want to have a course of action in mind. You’ll want to carefully think about how and when you’ll use that information because each situation is different. If you’re in a dating relationship your action may be as simple as breaking it off. If you’re married and children are involved, you may wish to consider the advice of a marriage counselor or an attorney. Gathering financial records BEFORE revealing what you know is always prudent.

With 25 years of experience investigating domestic infidelity we can clearly say that acting without prior thought is not the preferred course. Too often the cheated were unprepared for what followed after the cheater was confronted. Assets were hidden, records were destroyed, unfavorable court orders were issued.

Regardless of how devastated you may feel at the moment you learn your loved one has been unfaithful, do not act irrationally.  Develop a plan to protect yourself and any others who may depend upon you.